My First non-Assyrian Funeral. Your view on open view?

A

ASHOOR

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I just attended my first ever non-Assyrian funeral, for the husband of a company employee. Very sad, he was only 33, and died to cancer.

It was an open view of course, and had to pass by the the body, say a little prayer and reflect, and go on. I am not used to seeing a dead person in such a full and open view. Of course for some of you, you have probably been to many funerals with open view. I just don't like the idea. Maybe I am not used to it? before I went into the room, I thought it would be a little shocking, but it didn't really feel as bad as I thought.

While for the family (Italian) and the wife, they were sitting right infront of him, looking at him all day long. Can you imagine if this was in our culture? our women would be pulling their hair and tearing their clothes apart.

I asked some coworkers and they said they prefer it this way, because it feels more close. A closed view wouldn't make it as real and as close.



What do you think? Are you comfortable with open view?



ASHOOR
 
I've known many Assyrian funerals with open view.  I've only been to one and it was pretty traumatic.  I only went because this relative looked so bad when he was sick, that I was told to go along to the viewing because he would be fixed up, and it was better to "remember" them that way than how he looked in those final days.  Bad idea.  He looked the same but with make-up on.  Not something I would do again.  I guess for certain family members it might help; especially those who never got to say good-bye, and maybe they think that would be an opportunity to see their loved ones one last time.  But it certainly didn't give me any closure.
 
I do not like the thought of all the preparations and reconstructing of my dear family members, so i have refused to the "final goodbye" viewing on them
 
I went to a coworkers funeral a few years ago.  It was open casket and at the end everyone was walking by the casket.  I chose not to, and just walked out.  I don't think I ever want to see someone dead.  I'm too emotional to deal with death face to face, whether the person is close to me or not. 
 
By the way, I went with a group of 4 people (2 Africans and 2 Indians) and all of them were kinda nervous to go in, and didn't know what to do. It was first time for most of us. They asked me to lead them in the room, and at first I was a little hesitant, but as I saw them relying on me, I decided to take the lead and guide them in. They basically came after me and did whatever I did (except for the cross sign for some of them)

Not that it was a comfortable thing to do, but this is an experience I wanted to go through, so I am glad I did it.

ASHOOR
 
I've only gone to two my uncles and my friend when I was 16. Each time was tramatizing! It haunted me for years then I had my uncles. Its insane.
But I have been to non assyrian funerals and I Actually have enjoyed them. It's not crazy phsychotic like ours and very nice cuz they remember the person like you're supposed to.
 
AssyrianBookTa said:
But I have been to non assyrian funerals and I Actually have enjoyed them. It's not crazy phsychotic like ours and very nice cuz they remember the person like you're supposed to.
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AssyrianBookta:  :yourock:  ......... perfect way of putting it. I couldn't have said it any better. It felt so peaceful and actually like somewhat of a positive experience. I mean they were sad, sure, but they were also, reflecting and celebrating his life and passing. Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar different from how Assyrians mourn.

Don't you guys think that is the very reason that most of us have grown up to dislike funerals and the view of the dead? I mean other than the fact that it is a very sad occassion, I think our culture hasn't made it any easier to be comfortable with the experience.

Seeing women pulling their hair and banging on their chest like crazy is far different and difficult to see compared to a group of family and friends looking at pictures of their loved one, with a nice music background, to remember the dead person.

Like I said, the only thing I don't like about western funerals, is the concept of the open view. It makes a lot of sense to them of course, but to me it doesn't.

ASHOOR
 
ashoor, i been to some funerals with open coffins. whenever i went to such "occasions" i tried not to see a dead body, i tried to see the deceased  as if they're asleep...it worked for me so far

what really annoys me is that some ppl have the bold behavior to munch like there's no morning at those funerals
 
My grandfathers was an open casket the day(s) before the funeral.  I guess it just depends on how the departed passed away.  I'm sure nobody wants to see their loved ones in an open casket after say cancer has been eating away their body for months.  I don't know who would do that. 

My grandfather on the other hand, simply looked like he was sleeping peacefully, and that is one of the best ways I remember him.  I also removed the cross that he wore on his Sunday church suit coat for rememberance. 
 
ASHUR said:
My grandfathers was an open casket the day(s) before the funeral.  I guess it just depends on how the departed passed away.  I'm sure nobody wants to see their loved ones in an open casket after say cancer has been eating away their body for months.  I don't know who would do that. 

My grandfather on the other hand, simply looked like he was sleeping peacefully, and that is one of the best ways I remember him.  I also removed the cross that he wore on his Sunday church suit coat for rememberance. 
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They did that with my grandmother, I don't know what the hell they were thinking. I stayed clear anyway and never regretted it.

I remember seeing a dead guy in the hospital in the room next to my grandmothers, his mouth was wide open and his head was tilted back. Not traumatised or anything but it's an image you can never forget. lol
 
I was at a cousins grandmothers funeral a couple of months ago, they did not have a open view, but my cousins where with their grandmother in the hospital and they all stood next to her just the moment she passed away, i don't think they thought its not necessary to have a open view since they want to remember her when she was with them and when she was healthy...

I myself don't really "need" to have an open view of someone dead i don't think its important at all. If its an old person and they have had a good live i'm just happy that they left since they probably have it better there. Of course you will miss that person if its someone you know but its nothing to be sad over i mean you will probably see them once more and you will always remember them...

And as assyrianbooqta said, our funerals can sometimes be vary psycho and chaotic. Some people especially women cry so much and so loud that it feels very strange... I don't like that since our religion tells us to be happy for someone even though we will miss them and morn them, we don't have to kill ourselves and become psycho just because they pass away...
 
ASHOOR said:
I just attended my first ever non-Assyrian funeral, for the husband of a company employee. Very sad, he was only 33, and died to cancer.

It was an open view of course, and had to pass by the the body, say a little prayer and reflect, and go on. I am not used to seeing a dead person in such a full and open view. Of course for some of you, you have probably been to many funerals with open view. I just don't like the idea. Maybe I am not used to it? before I went into the room, I thought it would be a little shocking, but it didn't really feel as bad as I thought.

While for the family (Italian) and the wife, they were sitting right infront of him, looking at him all day long. Can you imagine if this was in our culture? our women would be pulling their hair and tearing their clothes apart.

I asked some coworkers and they said they prefer it this way, because it feels more close. A closed view wouldn't make it as real and as close.



What do you think? Are you comfortable with open view?



ASHOOR
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ASHOOR, do all Assyrians have closed casket funerals? For my brother (who died at age 24) the casket was left open while everyone walked into the church and i remember a very very good family friend (who is Albanian) put her baby daughter's favorite teddy bear in there.
Also, when i attended a funeral in Chicago for a friend of ours, Francis, who died of Cancer. it was left open while ppl went around to see him and it was full of pictures, items, flowers, etc that good friends & family put in there to keep close with him.
 
Also, the Chaldean community here in Detroit hold the body in the funeral home and has viewings for it for 3 days. then they do the burial. But i dont remember going to a funeral home viewing....if i do it mustve been a long time ago b/c i cant remember it.
 
Open caskets are really disturbing, more so when they involve a person who's died young. I don't really mind much seeing a dead 75+ year old "asleep" in a casket, because at the end of the day, most of us will be around that age frame when we pass away. And elders already look a bit "dead" anyway. So they don't look dramatically different as a corpse. But a middle aged or teenage person looks very eerie as a corpse. One big reason is that they're obviously youthful looking, and are supposed to be alive and full of ardour. So you're not used to seeing them as a dead body.

The 17 year old Assyrian girl (Rhonda Audisho), who died last year from a car crash, was displayed in an open casket at the church. Her loved ones all came and said their farewell (including the father). What disturbed me is that the parents brought kids and were like "go say your goodbyes" to them. Not sure about these kids, but I'll be really scarred seeing a dead body at 8 - And they were around that age. She was wearing some sort of a wedding gown. She had makeup on, but there were a few scars showing in around her forehead. Very disturbing, tbh. Anyway, I wasn't there, but a relative of mine filmed all of this. I wish that I didn't see the footage, honestly. :(

Yes, Assyrians are extremely dramatic and mawkish during a funeral. Not sure if they really feel that way or they're exaggerating it. But the mother of Rhonda was really genuine and you would've feel very sorry for her. She didn't view her daughter's body (at least judging from the footage I saw), but she was right there when her daughter's body was put in the hearse. She was wailing and lamenting, and tearfully repeated "where are you going?". She collapsed after this. This really pulls your heart string. Nobody deserves to go through this tragic predicament. :icon_sad:
 
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